So I have a tendency to need to purge when I am angry…a deep-seated animalistic need that nests in the deepest, darkest, abysmal trenches within the bowels of my soul, that claws its way up to the surface, rips off the thin membrane of civility and niceness that I wear each day, like a death shroud and scream bloody-murder, until my lungs fall out in congealed globs of black bile and wet, red flaps of uprooted bronchial trees…you know, one where you could happily rip someone’s arm off and beat them to death with it…yeah, I am in one of those moods.
I won’t say all of what contributed to this dark mood, suffice to say that I would greatly appreciate an hour, or two, of stress-baby session, but alas the AEIC’s nephew (who is so adorable, and absolutely the best thing to cuddle with, when the beast from within threatens to go all hulk on me, is probably asleep in his basinet and his apartment.) It infuriates me too, to let the idiocy of people foul my mood, and so I am refusing to relinquish the things that made me happy today. They are my “totems” and I hold them in my mind like rosary beads, or like grains of salt that I can cast over my shoulder to rid myself of the residual anger.
Bead #1: The Special Staff Issue of Women in Redzine is at the printers, we hope to have them in our greedy little hands in a week or two. The SSI of WIRZ is exactly that, a special run of staff only stories and poems for the summer, so that we can do some distribution at the 2011 Summerset Festival of the Arts and…(Bead #2) something too awesome to say yet. When it is finalized I will share it eagerly with you, dear reader, but it is EPIC…as in, it has the word WISCONSIN in it…I KNOW, right!
Bead #3: My Creative Writing Professor. He is the AWESOMEST (thanks AEIC for corrupting my vocabulary with this word). I am not ashamed to tell you this dear readers, I think I love him. He is like Gandalf the White, minus all the absurd facial hair and wig. I had a crisis…a somewhat existential crisis of the writer-ly type and he said the nicest things and I almost cried…but I didn’t, because everyone knows there’s no crying in baseball…or Creative Writing. I wanted to leap up and hug him, he is so nice, but again, I didn’t because thugs don’t hug, we fist bump and he didn’t seem like the fist-bumping kind, so I mentally hugged him and left. And yes, I know what you’re thinking, can I truly call myself a thug after referencing LOTR (Lord of the Rings, for the uninitiated, cave-dwelling readers of this blog still using an IBM 5100) and to you I say yes, I have not admitted to watching it, only knowing what Gandalf looks like and for all you know I could have been referencing the actor, Ian Mckellen, and he was Magneto in X-Men and that is a totally thug movie, but would have implied my Professor was thug-like, when in fact he is not, more angelic and grandfatherly, like Gandalf was when he took Frodo onto the boat and Samwise Gamgee started to cry and….well, I guess I would know if I watched it, which I am not admitting to, although if I had, the scene when Aragorn sees Arwen at the end of Return of the King and he kisses her with tears in his eyes would always break my heart and leave me in tears……so…. yes, my professor is AWESOME and on to bead #4.
Bead #4: I found my thumb drive, aka flash drive which I had lost two-weeks ago, and which has the past four years of my academic and personal life on it. I still can’t believe I got it back. I wanted to hug the lady when she said, “oh yeah, I saw it” and then when she gave it back to me… ah, so happy, no words can express. I think I’ll be writing a story about it…the beast from earlier will make an appearance mayhaps…
Bead #5: I made the world’s best hotdog ever today. Hot n’ spicy Cajun link, wrapped in a strip of thick-cut peppered bacon and then the whole thing is fried until the sausage is cooked and the bacon is crispy around it and delicious…topped with shredded mozzarella, chipotle mustard, garlicky-hot sauce and shredded lettuce all wrapped up in a freshly steamed pita….actually thinking about it is making me a happier camper than I was before Bead #1. I know my vegetarian AEIC would not approve, but I swear the pig could live without it’s bacon, and whatever was in my sausage 🙂 it’s like Stone Crabs and those claws.
I am sure there are other beads, but for now, these are enough for me to keep from going nuclear and taking out the whole neighborhood with me…especially since aforementioned stress-baby lives a building over and he is all right in my book. I think I’m ok. Gonna have a can of coconut-water and nosh on some baked über crunchy potato chips and work on my papers…which are all due in a matter of days. Let us pray for the dear EIC!
As Always, I remain your intrepid (and fearless) leader,
The Editor-in-Chief, Women in REDzine.